Where to begin?? At the beginning is the best place I suppose..
My wonderful hubbie and I have been married 13 years and had been blessed with our wonderful daughter "Cha" not long after our first wedding anniversary. All 9lbs 3ozs of baby fat arrived safely after what can only be described as a eventful pregnancy, months of threatening miscarriage, infections and an untold amount of time off work, but thankfully she arrived safely, 10 fingers and 10 toes!. All I will say is she brought joy to our lives that i am struggling to put in to words here.
Our lives pretty much moved along as normal for the next 8 years buying our first home, working, holidays, (paying bills!!)that was until we got bitten by the "lets have another baby" syndrome!!
I can't say why this happened then, we were happy to only have one but out of no where came this "urge" to go again. Now I wont go into to much detail (he he) but needless to say we "set about" making this happen. How foolish was I to think that this would happen first time like with "Cha" Months passed and nothing!! I couldn't get my head around this, there must be something wrong?? We "soldiered" on and finally we got what we wanted 2 blue lines!! YAY... I think profits at a certain company went up with the amount of test kits bought in this house!!
Well our world couldn't have been better, we had another baby on the way!! We decided to not tell anyone until the 12 week mark, you know the story, just to be sure... Everything was going fine, I was working away and suddenly all these ladies I work with (4 of them) started to announce they were pregnant. I was bursting to tell everyone our good news but as I had agreed I held off... We reached to 11 week mark and I thought "why not" lets tell everyone! So we decided on the following Monday we would announce to the world that we were pregnant!! Of course everyone was thrilled for us and with the amount of hormones in work with all 5 of us pregnant you can imagine what that was like!!
The following day I went to work as normal and felt on top of the world, nothing could have gotten me down. That was until a visit to the bathroom changed everything. I was bleeding, this had happened to me before so I didn't panic, a few days rest and everything would be OK. I called my boss told her I had to go home. I called my GP who advised me to go home and rest and if it didn't subside to go to the hospital for a scan the next day. The next day arrived and no change so I rang and arranged to go for a scan. DH went to work as I didn't think there was any need for him to take time off work because everything would be fine wouldn't it?? I rang my mother who agreed to come with me. I got called in for the scan and Mam came with me (thank god), what happened next is every woman's worst nightmare, the nurse said to me I am so sorry but there is no heartbeat I think part of me died there and then. I will never forget that day as long as I live.
The next few days are still a bit of a blur, I was sent home to decide what we wanted to do, let nature takes it course or have a D&C. After 3 days at home waiting we decided the latter was the best option as all the upset at home was to much for us all to bear.
Going back to "normal" life after that was difficult. People just don't know how to approach you or what to say to you. The hardest part is when people say to you "sure you can always have another one" or "something must have been wrong with the baby so it probably for the best"!!! WTF, we didn't care what was wrong we WANTED this baby with all our hearts...
We both struggled, we cried and cried for weeks until finally we gave ourselves a slap around the face and said "life has to go on" We decided that this loss would not deter us from trying again.
So we "set about" trying again but that's another long story that i will save for my next blog.
So there you have it, my first blog, i do apologise if the detail in this upsets anyone, i hope it conveys the desire we had to have a brother or sister for our precious daughter..
More to follow....
